Imagine being in high school and having your six-year-old brother tagging along ALL THE TIME. The year is 1985 and I was the six-year-old brother. My older brother, Phil, was in high school and he and three of his friends were inseparable. Phil, Rob Brown, Tony Lougee, and Pat Summers. That was the clique, and they were tight as could be. They’d play pickup street hockey behind the Mechanicsburg School on Elmwood Ave or on the tennis courts at Wesley Park in Lower Allen Township. While they were playing, I was the light kid. I got to hang out with them, but my dues to do so were to keep the lights going. My main job was to drop change in the meter after the sun had set. It was here that I began to get my first taste of the game of hockey. I watched them play and even sometimes got to grab a stick, but the lights were my main job. If the court darkened you could hear the call of “BROCK!” and that was fine by me. I was on it. As I grew older and Phil went off to college, the street hockey equipment became mine. In time, my friends and I began to destroy the garage door at home during pickup games in the driveway. I loved those evenings on the pavement, but I was too busy with my other exploits to ever seriously get involved in the sport – at least that’s what I thought at the time.

Brock Kerchner and his brother Phil, with the Calder Cup in 2010

Editor’s Note: This is a parody column that will run on a weekly or bi-weekly basis.  In it, WE will answer reader’s questions as “Don Harry,” a one Mr. Cherry’s more redheaded (and sane) alter-ego.  Enjoy!

“Dear Don Harry: If I was sending cupcakes to Brendan Shanahan, what flavor laxative do you think he would most enjoy? – Mandy from Calgary”

HEEEEY THEYRE MANDY! HOW YA DOIN. FIRST OFF I JUST WANT TO SAY TO ALL YA AMERICANS OUT THERE THAT THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YA BECOME ENGAGED TO A GOOD CANADIAN GIRL. CUPCAKES!! ANYHOOSER NOW TO YER QUESTION.  I’VE NEVER HEARD OF LAXATIVE BEFORE BUT I THINK YA MAY BE TALKIN ABOUT LAX? AS IN, LACROSEE OR WHAT EVER ITS CALLED, WHICH IS THE NATIONAL SPORT OF CANADA?  SERIOUSLY, HOW CAN LACROSEE BE THE NATIONAL SPORT OF CANADA?  WE ONLY CARE ABOUT HOCKEY.  THIS IS ALL ABOUT TARANNA! WHO’S TARANNA’S LACROSEE TEAM?  THAT’S RIGHT! IT’S A CRIME, I’M TELLIN YA, A CRIMEEEE!!!! (RIPS OFF TIE)

“Dear Don Harry, I’m really looking to settle down with a nice guy.  Now that Jeff Carter and Mike Richards are in my city, I was thinking that would be my best bet.  I hear they like the ladies.  Do you know where I can find them hanging out?  Also how do you suggest I approach them?  What should I wear? – Hopeful in Hollywood”

WELL YKNOW HOPEFUL THIS IS A TOUGHIE.  LAST I HEARD CARTER AND RICHARDS WAR ON THIS FUNNY PLACE CALLED DRY ISLAND.  I HEARD THEY WERE THERE LAST SUMMER BUT SINCE THEN NO ONE HAS HEARD FROM THEM ON THE ICE SO I GUESS THEY’RE STILL THERE.  SO IN THAT CASE I WOULD THINK THAT YA GOTTA WEAR SOME SORTA SWINSOOT TO GET THERE CAUSE YA GOTTA SWIM OR TAKE A BOAT.  ANYWA-WHAT!?! I’M LOOKIN AT THE WIKIPEDIER PAGE HERE AND ITS TELLING ME THAT BOTH OF THESE FELLERS ARE FROM ONTARIO?  HOW ARE THEY NOT ON TARANNA!  SHOULDA BEEN LEAFS! (BANGS DESK) HOW DOES THIS BURKE GUY STILL HAVE A JOB? AMERICAN, THAT’S HOW! (POINTS FINGER)

“Dear Don Harry, if you were Alex Ovechkin, would you be friends with Chad Ochocinco? – Joe in Boston”

AHHHH JOE YAR FRAM BASTAN.  I PLAYED FER THE BRUINS ONCE.  LITERALLY, I PLAYED FER THEM ONCE.  COACHED THERE, TOO, ALMOST WON THE STANLEY CUP!  ANYWAYS ABOUT YER QUESTION – WHO IS CHAD OCHOCIKER?  I ONLY KNOW ONE ATHALETE WITH AN OCHO IN HIS NUMBER AND THAT’S SIDNEE CROSBEE! NUMBER OCHO-SEVEN, HE’S THE BEST THERE IS!  SCORED THE GOLD MEDAL WINNING GOAL, WON THE STANLEY CUP, CAPTAIN OF THE PENGUINS!  AND HE’S PLAYIN AGAIN, HAD FIVE POINTS IN HIS FIRST TWO GAMES BACK AND THA PENGUINS KEEP ON WINNING! (THUMBS UP)

“Dear Don Harry, why am I so hated in Canada?  I win a lot of draws for the Leafs – especially on the penalty kill.  I always thought that was important. – Dave S in Toronto”

HEY THERE DAVE DO YA PLAY ON THE MARLIES?  I KNOW OF A DAVE S WHO PLAYS FOR THE TARANNA MAPLE LEAFS BUT HE WAS THE GUY WHO RAN OVER SIDNEE CROSBEE WITH THAT ELBER IN THE WINTER CLASSIC!  AS FAR AS I KNOW SID HAS ONLY PLAYED NINE GAMES SINCE AND THAT STECKEL GUY IS TERRIBLE! YOU KNOW WHY? HE PLAYED AT OHIER STATE.  SO MANY PROBLEMS WITH OHIER STATE.  THEY HAD THAT CHEATER FOOTBALL COACH WHO LIKED SWEATER VESTS.  SWEATER VESTS, HA!  AND NOW THEY GO THAT BLUE JACKET TEAM DOWN THE ROAD THAT STILL HAS SCOTTY HOWSON AS THEIR GM.  STECKEL SHOULDA PLAYED JUNIOR FOR DALE HUNTER IN LONDON INSTEAD OF THAT SILLY CAWLEDGE STUFF! THAT HUNTER IS A GREAT COACH! THE CAPITALS ARE GOOD, AGAIN, RIGHT? RIGHT?!?!

FOLLOW ME ON THE TWEETER MACHINE HERE. 

Evengy Kuznetsov’s recent statement that he will be staying in the KHL next season sounds like bad news for the Washington Capitals.  The current agreement between the NHL and KHL is for both leagues to respect the other’s contracts, and Kuznetsov would not be eligible to play in the NHL next season if he played in the KHL.  The good news is that Kuznetsov has not signed a new contract yet, so his words are just words, and they may have been uttered for many reasons.  Much like Semyon Varlamov’s posturing last summer before his trade to Colorado, the promise of players leaving for more money in the KHL is a great motivator for NHL teams to pony up the cash to keep certain players or to trade them so they don’t lose them for no return.  Many teams avoid acquiring Russian players altogether, including opting to draft players surer to stay in North America.  In any event, if Kuznetsov wants to play in the NHL, it will be with Washington, as NHL teams retain the rights to European players indefinitely.

Considering the NHL has no signed collective bargaining agreement for next season, it is quite likely he could end up playing in the AHL if he signs a contract and there is a work stoppage.  While Capitals General Manager George McPhee is not opposed to returning players to their junior teams in Sweden or Canada if they are not fully developed, he has stated publicly Kuznetsov belongs in the NHL and not the KHL, where he "can develop bad habits.” McPhee didn’t release Alexander Semin from his contract in 2004, and there’s no reason to think he’d release Kuznetsov to go back to the KHL, either.  The other big factor is the issue of NHL players competing in the 2014 Sochi Olympics has not been approved.  One would think that would be alleviated by the promise made by Capitals’ owner Ted Leonsis, who said   he’d fly Ovechkin to Russia for the Olympics himself, if necessary.

Unfortunately for McPhee, his hands are tied in terms of what he can give Kuznetsov in compensation.  Under the terms of the current collective bargaining agreement, if Kuznetsov signs a contract now, he is locked into a 3-year entry-level deal.  If he waits until he’s 22, it’s only a 2-year entry-level deal, which can mean a great deal more money overall if he plays two more season in Russia earning several times his potential NHL salary guaranteed, tax-free.  NHL entry-level salary is capped at $925,000, and even with the option for a 10% signing bonus, that brings guaranteed money to just over $1 million.  With performance incentives like Alex Ovechkin had in his deal, Kuznetsov could stand to make up to $4 million if everything went right, but he would still have to pay a high tax rate, union dues, and escrow.

Read on.

Peekaboo!  Will we see you?

What has happened to Alexander the Great?  Once the league's best goal scorer after a season for the ages, he has become mortal again, seeing his goal totals drop to 32 goals and even lower the next season.  The big, fast Russian winger also has had no trouble scoring in the playoffs, but can't seem to get his team deep into the spring.  It's certainly not for lack of talent, so what gives? None of the other great goal scorers of all time seem to have this kind of career scoring arc and come back for huge seasons.  Is his career as an elite winger over?  Will he really just be Alexander the Very Good?

As it turns out, Alexander Mogilny did return to being Alexander the Great.  He even won a Stanley Cup in his career and was a productive scorer until age 34 before retiring from the NHL at 36.  He didn't have the traditional smooth arc in his production like many of the great American and Canadian goal scorers did.  Then again, he isn't American or Canadian. 

Alexander Ovechkin is only 26, but he is under contract with the Capitals until he turns 36 and many people who follow the Capitals are worried that he may never return to his MVP form.  If you thought the issues facing Ovechkin were unique, that is far from the truth.  It is funny to hear Capitals General Manager George McPhee say he hasn't seen another player return to form after a dip in production like Ovechkin's.  After all, he managed two of them in Vancouver, namely Mogilny and Pavel Bure.   Ovechkin's career scoring arc is following the mold of the great Russian scoring wingers, which means Ovi should be right on pace to pot 50 goals next season and make a deep playoff run very soon. 

Read on, comrades.

The other, other Alex

When a man in a suit walks into a room wielding a Tupperware (or was it Rubbermaid?) container full of baked goods, everyone’s guard is instantly let down. When the lid is popped and cupcakes emerge, the assembly turns into my third grade classroom (hi Ms. Thomas!). In this Cake Love/Georgetown Cupcakes-mad town, there is no surer way to win friends and influence people than with iced, bite-sized cake. So when it was reported that the Washington Capitals’ Karl Alzner was the culprit, of course everyone said “Aaaw! He's such a nice guy.”

But then, later yesterday afternoon, Mr. Alzner tweeted the following:

Ah ha! Karl Alzner’s true intentions brought to light! This was all just bribery and all it took was CUPCAKES!? I’m sure every politician in America is running out for a box of Betty Crocker right now. Well MISTER ALZNER, we here at Rock the Red Dot Net are on to you. We have Journalistic Integrity! And just for trying to sway our fellow writers, we’re digging up all the dirt!

Read on

What does it mean?

This time last week, the Washington Capitals were, as they have been for almost the entire season, in disarray.  They had just dropped another disheartening game where they had been shut out, and had only managed to pick up one win during their season-long five game homestand.

Since that game, the Capitals have picked up seven of a possible eight points against Carolina, Tampa Bay, Boston, and Toronto.  They seem to have energy again, riding the wave from a thrilling 3-2 comeback win against the Bolts, and they were on the gas pedal from start to finish against a Maple Leafs team playing their second game in less than 24 hours.

“It was a team effort. We got a shorthanded goal and we played good defense for the whole game,” said Dale Hunter.  “We got a shutout because of it. When they did get through, we stood tall.”

Hunter is right about that.  After being out of sorts for much of the last six weeks, even when they were winning games, the Capitals looked like a team.  They finished their checks.  They were coherent in their coverage.  They were smart with the puck.  And, with the glaring (and embarrassing) exception of Marcus Johansson late, they made the most of their chances.

“Really big 48 hours. Good win yesterday and we carried it right over into today,” said Brooks Laich, who scored the opening goal with a shorthanded tally.  “Maybe we got lucky with the schedule and they’re tired, and have to travel, but really, really big 48 hours for us.”

What does it mean? Read on!

You almost knew that it was coming.

For 24 minutes and 51 seconds on Tuesday night, the Washington Capitals were playing like a team that needed to win a hockey game.  They were being aggressive in their forecheck, finishing hits, and had gotten two goals from two grinders.  It was shaping up to be a promising evening.

And then just like that, it was gone.

The Capitals allowed three unanswered goals to be scored on them in the game’s next 20 minutes, turning a 2-0 lead into a 3-2 deficit.  Brooks Laich tipped an equalizer past Cam Ward with just under three minutes left in the game to salvage a point, but inevitability eventually caught up to the Caps when Justin Faulk scored the winner with 82 seconds left in overtime.  The play started on a whiff by Dennis Wideman, allowing an odd-man rush.

It was a loss that only this incarnation of the Capitals could come up with, and it came at the worst possible time.  The effort was nice.  The late goal was nice.  But in the end, it didn’t matter.

“This time of year, you can’t judge yourself by your intentions, it’s by your results,” a visibly distressed and morose Laich said after the game.  “It’s a game we had to have.  It’s tough to take right now, but we’ll move on.”

But how can you explain a loss like this?  How do you explain this, as a whole, in general?

As poorly suited as Dale Hunter’s system and lineup decisions are for the type of roster that he has, one that is (supposedly) laden with top-level talent, these types of results are inexcusable.  The Carolina Hurricanes are not a good hockey team, and the Caps gave away a two-goal lead against them playing a system that is designed to keep leads.

It all goes back to what I said in December: the Capitals don’t know what they want to be.

Read on

As you might have previously seen on this blog, Rock the Red is big into helping hockey-related charities.  A favorite of ours is to help support is Matt Hendricks' and Defending the Blue Line, which is a non-profit organization that works to ensure that children of military members are afforded every opportunity to participate in the game of hockey by providing free equipment for military kids and financial assistance for registration fees, hockey camps, special events,  game tickets, and other costs associated with hockey. To further help to raise funds for the children of our nation's troops, friends of the blog Tim Phillips and Sam "The Horn Guy" Wolk have helped us generate new merch in our shop - the proceeds of which go to Defending the Blue Line. Just check it out below...

In order to help get the ball rolling for DTBL, we've worked out a special where you receive 17% off your order of $25 or more by entering the code STP1712 at check out!

Also, please take a moment to vote for Defending the Blue Line in the Joining Forces White House Challenge, as they were nominated by Michelle Obama as a top 20 finalist for the work they do with military families. The White House has left it up to America to vote for the winner and there are only a few days left!

"There is no silver lining in losing a hockey game at this time of year."

Such was the attitude of Matt Hendricks in the locker room following another demoralizing loss for the Washington Capitals, this time at the hands of the Philadelphia Flyers on Sunday inside Verizon Center.

He’s right.

The Capitals were shut out for the second consecutive home game on Sunday evening as they slipped farther back of the Florida Panthers for the Southeast Division lead.  In addition, they have not scored in 178 of the last 183 minutes overall played at Verizon Center.  I repeat: the Caps are one five minute burst away from not scoring a goal in three consecutive home games.

How does this happen?  It defies common sense.  How do you have a group of players that should have the potential to do so much do so little?

Tonight, at least, the answer was Alex Ovechkin.

Washington’s captain cost his team the game on Sunday, losing his man off a poor backcheck and turning what could have been a harmless shot or a broken play into the game-winning goal.

As a result, Ovechkin was benched, even though Dale Hunter won’t admit it.

“You know, I was definitely matching lines,” said the coach when asked why Ovechkin took one shift following the goal against.  “It was one of those things where I didn’t want him against Jagr’s line, so I wanted Brooksie’s line out there.”

When pressed by the media, Hunter was visibly frustrated, rolling his eyes.

“Guys. It’s not a benching, he just missed a shift. I was just matching lines.”

Curious, then, that Ovechkin took one shift in twelve minutes.  Curious, then, that Jay Beagle took ice with Marcus Johansson and Troy Brouwer, Ovechkin’s usual linemates.  Curious, then, that Ovechkin did not play, line matching or not, for a large portion of a one goal game.  This is supposed to be one of the game’s premier offensive players.

I’ll also say this: why can’t Alex Ovechkin play against Jaromir Jagr?  That’s a pretty big problem too.

You just can’t have that from your captain: the benching or, if Hunter was telling the truth, such a deteriorating game that your coach doesn't think you can handle playing man on man a 40 year-old winger.  You can’t have that from a franchise cornerstone.  You can’t have that from the man who gets paid more than any other player in the NHL.  You just can’t.

The Capitals are not good enough to win games with Alex Ovechkin at anything less than top form or elite level.  The Caps needed him to be great tonight, and he made the error that cost them the game.

Yes, after his benching, Ovechkin rebounded nicely.  He was an offensive engine in the final 30 minutes and finished with a nice amount of shots on goal and hits.  He was better in the final frame.  But it’s just not enough.

Over the past year, excuses have been more and more abundant about Ovechkin’s lack of offense.  Those should be thrown out the window from now.  No more “the goalie was hot.”  No more “they just beat us.”  No more “it’s the system.”

The time has come for Alex Ovechkin to step up and actually earn the captaincy that was handed to him two years ago.  The time has come for Ovechkin to be dominant again.  The time has come for Ovechkin to once again be Ovechkin.  His team needs him to be.  Because what we are seeing now has been and will continue to be a recipe for disaster.  To me, your captain has to be your best leader, and at the very least your best player, if he is not your best leader.

Ovechkin is neither right now.  That’s a problem.

So it does not matter how the Capitals controlled the first period of play, and most of the second, and most of the third. It does not matter that they outshot their opponents.  It does not matter that they out-chanced them or may have had a higher Corsi or Fenwick score.

What does matter is a loss.  Those losses are piling up, and the leadership group is out of excuses.

Enough is enough.  Just win, baby.

Harry Hawkings is a college student who covers the Caps for RtR.  Follow him on Twitter here.

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The turmoil in DC seems to be subsiding, at least for now.  After a 3 game win streak wrapped around a non-eventful trade deadline day, it looks like things are slowly getting better.  Granted, there’s still turmoil.  Mike Knuble and Roman Hamrlik are still sitting in a spot previously reserved for Michael Nylander and Tyler Sloan.  The Caps have yet to present a full, 60-minute effort.  There are empty seats in the Verizon Center.  People aren’t winning free Lasik.

Head north on 15 to Central Pennsylvania and turmoil is present there as well.  The Bears aren’t winning anymore.  They’ve lost five straight and have only earned the mercy point in one of those five.  In the 12 games the Bears played in February, they’ve won four.  The team in the AHL East Division that just a few months ago looked to be “the team to beat” has become “the team to get points against.”

Sure, the Bears are without playmaking stud Keith Aucoin.  Captain Boyd Kane served a 3 game suspension in that span.  Christan Hanson had to undergo wrist surgery.  Joel Rechlicz has been recalled a time or two.  But injuries and line-up absences aside (because that’s a way of life in the AHL) – is there something more?

Has the state of things in Washington made an uneasy sweep to the minor league affiliate in Chocolatetown?

Read on.

If only they were really that happy in Hershey.